Medication

The biggest thing I can say about medication is to familiarize yourself with their side effects. This goes for more than just the psychiatric medications, but all medications, including over the counter.

All medications have side effects, but not everyone will experience them. I recently got out of a hospital after a suicide attempt that was brought on by a side effect of one of my medications. Was it a common one? That's unknown as of right now, due to it being too new to the market, but I know I'm not the only one who experienced that side effect. In turn I talked to my doctor and requested to be taken off of it, and I was placed on another.

Point is, talk to your doctor if you notice anything off, any changes to your body and mind. Also research your medications, look up their reported side effects, and pay attention to yourself. Remember that some side effects are minimal and you can live with them, they may even go away as your body gets used to the medication, but you should still report them. Others are dangerous and require immediate attention.

WebMD.com is a great site for looking up side effects, as is going to the manufacturer's website, which you can usually find just by searching the brand name of your medication. You can also ask your doctor and your pharmacist, they should be able to either give you a list of side effects, or lead you to where you can learn more about them.

And now I ask you, have you ever dealt with side effects of medications? If so, how did go about figuring it out? And, did you have any problems reporting it to your doctor?

Update #2

I apologize for being absent again, I was in the hospital again for another suicide attempt. This time it was a side effect of one of my medications, more on that in my next post. Hopefully this will have been my last hospitalization for a long time.

Selfish

I've been called selfish for attempting suicide, but they don't understand that the journey there was anything but.

Here's my journey, not everyone follows this path, but it's not an uncommon one:

It all started with being overly selfless. I kept burying my pain, hiding it deeper and deeper until it consumed me. I did this for everyone else, I knew that showing my pain would ultimately hurt those I love. I protected everyone from the monster that was caged inside of me. No matter how much I hurt, the only thing that mattered was protecting those I love.

Honestly, suicide was my way of destroying said monster without hurting everyone too much. I'd be less of a burden dead. Everyone could move on with their lives without having to worry about me.

Clearly I failed, and the result is therapists and doctors telling me to be a little selfish, because everyone needs to be selfish in order to take care of oneself.

Am I happy I survived? Not really, I hate that everyone is worrying about me, I hate seeing my loved ones in pain and on edge.

I have some questions for you: Have you ever been called selfish? If so, how did you feel you were acting? What's your opinion on suicide?

Update

So it's been a bit since I last wrote, and there's good reason for that, last week I went back into the hospital to have my medications readjusted.

Here's the story: I was still feeling suicidal and not handling being alone, so I asked my husband to call my doctor to see about getting an earlier appointment to adjust my medications, because I felt like it's what I needed. My doctor didn't want to risk my suicidal ideation so she said that I would have to go back to the hospital, and I did. I spent 4 days there and got my medication worked out, I haven't had any suicidal thoughts since. I go back to my doctor tomorrow to get the rest of it worked out.

I also started working again this week, my managers are being very understanding and are letting me take it slow right now, including letting me work less hours while I get back into things. Which is really good, because I'm a bit overwhelmed at being back, exact reasons are eluding me, but I can't function on whole days just yet.

I feel that I'd be better working part time, but that's just not going to work right now due to money and my benefits. Though it would be wonderful to work part time and craft at home to eventually open my Etsy store.

Another thing, my therapist suggested for me to get a therapy dog, and I love the idea, though it's not something we could afford right now.

I'd love to hear you opinions on working part time instead of full time, and about therapy dogs. Do you feel full time is a lot for you? Do you see part time as a better option? Do you have experience with therapy dogs? If so, what breeds have you encountered?